Very like kendo, without the buddhism.
  -- Gareth Smith on boxing
%
Amazing! You type random strings of letters, and it does what you want!
  -- Rhiannon Mogridge, on vi
%
A good skeptical mind doesn't waste itself on drugs or ideology.
  -- Mark Rosenfelder
%
I thought I'd say 'There goes another of the Old Guard'. It has just the 
right mix of sentiment and incomprehensibility.
  -- Uvanov, "Hidden Persuaders"               http://www.kaldorcity.com
%
We must know. We shall know.
  -- Hilbert
%
Outside of a dog, Man's best friend is a book.
Inside a dog it's too dark to read.
  -- Groucho Marx 
%
And that is why Evil will always triumph over Good: because Good is dumb.
  -- Dark Helmet, "Spaceballs"
%
Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleeve of care,
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast.
  -- Macbeth
%
The unexamined life is not worth living.
  -- Socrates
%
Laughter is the best medicine. Next to sex, of course. And medicine.
  -- Vice Pope Doug
%
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them
personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
  -- Jack Handey
%
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
  -- Vroomfondel
%
AJ: You're going to need a bigger gun!
Riff: That's what I like to hear. How /much/ bigger?
  -- Pete Abrams, "Sluggy Freelance"
%
The Tube is Civilization!
  -- Tycho Brahe, "Penny Arcade"
%
Are you OK? Can you play bass?
  -- unknown driver, upon hitting Jamie Zawinski with his car door.
%
I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.
  -- Linus
%
There are heretic movements that try to make indentations 4 characters
deep, and that is akin to trying to define the value of PI to be 3.
  -- Linus
%
We do not have ideology. We do not have theology. We dance.
  -- Shinto priest, as reported by Joseph Campbell in "The Masks of God"
%
Beware of bugs in this code: I have only proved it correct, not tested it.
  -- Donald E. Knuth
%
Yeah, I was spannered. And hammered. And wrenched, and spirit-levelled...
In fact, I was completely toolboxed.
  -- Molly
%
Time is an illusion; lunchtime doubly so.
  -- Ford Prefect
%
The three great virtues of a programmer: laziness, impatience and hubris.
  -- Larry Wall
%
Knowl3dg3 is pow3r!
  -- Great Teacher Largo
%
There are four ways to defeat your opponent: break his sword, break his
technique, break his spirit, or come at him in the shower with a crowbar.
  -- Anonymous kendo sensei
%
The way to a man's heart is through his chest.
  -- Anon
%
What would Cthulhu do?
%
Art is a legalised form of insanity, and I do it very well.
  -- Stanley Marsh III
%
Philosophers, for instance, are very concerned with the problems posed
by real life, such as "What do we mean by 'real'?" and "How can we
arrive at an empirical definition of 'life'?".
  -- Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%
Some day, every town in America will have one of these.
  -- Alexander Graham Bell
%
Due to increased dynamic range, raise volume above average.
PLAY IT LOUD.
  -- Lou Reed
%
I tell you, I used to have pride. I used to have dignity. Now I serenade
small children on the kazoo while waving photos of David Beckham and
Thomas the Tank Engine.
  -- Francine Rump, on teaching English in Japan
%
a pretty girl who naked is is worth a million statues
  -- e e cummings
%
for life is not a paragraph and death i think is no parenthesis
  -- e e cummings
%
"I wasn't aware the Tokyo police employed uneducated, paranoid,
delusional foreign delinquents." "In my case, they made an exception."
  -- Fred Gallagher, www.megatokyo.com
%
Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use
regular expressions". Now, they have two problems.
  -- Jamie W. Zawinski
%
I'm sure ettercap could invade a middle eastern country if I could just
get the command line switches right...
  -- Ben Godfrey
%
This is deep magic, even deeper than the question, "What does `deeper
magic' mean?"
  -- Ilya Zakharevich
%
Would you maintain a system the principal occupation of which is its own
maintenance?
  -- Ilya Zakharevich
%
They said it was impossible. They said I was mad!  Well, they were right
about the second part.
  -- Eric S. Raymond
%
perl -e '$_=join("",map{chr($_+ord("a"))}u(map {ord($_)-ord("a")}split(""
,"jloqozuzdhwiacbvjqlqyokq")));y@{@ @;s j\b(.)juc($1)jeg;print;sub u{my
@r=shift;if($#_>-1){my @d=u(@_);for(@d){push(@r,($r[-1]+$_)%27);}}@r}'
%
I had to leave it when Saladin told Doctor Who that he was going to kill
King Arthur and frame the Black Knight, while the Black Knight was
standing behind a curtain.
  -- Richard Morgan on daytime movies
%
I was reading about those birds who are trying to split the atom, the
nub being that they haven't the foggiest as to what will happen if they
do...  And pretty silly a chap would feel, no doubt, if, having split
the atom, he suddenly found the house going up in smoke and himself torn
limb from limb.
  -- PG Wodehouse, "Right Ho, Jeeves"
%
Through gaming, you will gain strength, speed and dexterity. You will
learn strategy, planning, and how to survive against all odds. Without
these skills, you are no better than non-player characters.  I will not
teach NPCs.
  -- Great Teacher Largo
%
I crave affection, baby, but not when I drive.
  -- "The Lady Is A Tramp", original lyrics by Lorenz Hart
%
Our biggest mistake: using the scary term "Monad" rather than "warm
fuzzy thing"
  -- Simon Peyton Jones
%
You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life if
you had an electrified fooling machine.
  -- Homer J. Simpson
%
Rest assured, I am as sane as these troubled times permit me to be.
  -- "Doctor Mercurious Prospero"
%
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
  -- Ernest Dowson
%
grep /dev/urandom 'Act One, Scene One. Elsinore, a platform before the
castle' No success yet, but I don't have to clean up as many faeces as
with my last experiment.
  -- seen on Slashdot
%
Mortar fire is to be preferred, of course, to British sports fans.
  -- PJ O'Rourke
%
I'm trying to cut down on my caffeine, so when I get up, I have one cup
of coffee, then I have another cup of coffee with my breakfast, then on
the way to work, I like to get a cup of coffee. Then I have a cup of
coffee, you know, the kind you get with a donut, except I never have the
donut, I just have the cup of coffee. Then when I get to work, I have a
cup of coffee, because I like to have coffee when I talk on the phone,
except it usually goes cold, so I get another cup of coffee, and then
it's lunch, so I have an espresso.
  -- Jim's Big Ego, "Stress"
%
The spoons command me to put gravel in milk. Cruckle!
  -- Richard Morgan
%
I was alone in Copenhagen. The only words of Danish I knew were "Soren
Kierkegaard", and I wasn't sure how to pronounce them.  The hell with
it.  How many one-armed pushups could Soren Kierkegaard do anyway?
  -- Spenser, in Robert B Parker's "The Judas Goat"
%
An extensible program is a double-edged sword, but recent experience has
shown that users prefer a double-edged sword to a blunt one.
  -- Paul Graham
%
Colourless green ideas sleep furiously.
  -- Noam Chomsky
%
Um.
  -- Kurt Vonnegut
%
Belief is no substitute for arithmetic.
  -- Henry Spencer
%
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
  -- Pablo Picasso
%
Just to give you some more background on Evanescense, should you need
it. They are the shittest most horrible bunch of fucking fuck cunts ever
to take on Ben Affleck in a competition for the prize of most hateful
bunch of whining fuckers that ever walked this poor, molested planet. To
listen to them is an offence to mortal ears. Even just hearing their
name makes me angry. There really is no excuse for their existence.

I'm going to go and have a shower now to wash away the unclean feeling
after discussing /that band/.
  -- Ben Godfrey
%
I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.
  -- Calvin
%
Right now, some undergraduate is currently trying to banish their
hangover long enough to scratch down an answer to that very question.
It won't help, though, it was due in on Friday.
  -- Richard Morgan
%
As with all physics problems we assume that superman is a spherical
point particle of infinite mass... thus he has no arms...
  -- Alex Crosse
%
In girls I kiss Europe and in boys I kiss America.
  -- Emily Burton
%
Gould... what a crap person.
  -- Owen O'Rourke
%
There are only two infinite things: the Universe, and human stupidity.
And I'm not too sure about the Universe.
  -- Albert Einstein
%
Ice formed on the butler's upper slopes.
  -- PG Wodehouse
%
88.2% of statistics are made up on the spot.
  -- Vic Reeves
%
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
  -- Ashley Montague
%
Everyone in the sciences secretly believes that mathematicians are
smarter than they are. I think mathematicians also believe this.
  -- Paul Graham
%
A good programming language ought to be better for explaining software
than English. You should only need comments when there is some kind of
kludge you need to warn readers about, just as on a road there are only
arrows on parts with unexpectedly sharp curves.
  -- Paul Graham
%
Clarke's 3rd Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.
Corollary: Any technology that can be distinguished from magic is
insufficiently advanced.
%
Whenever a politician or a businessman talks about a quantum leap he
_does_ mean the smallest possible change. It's just that he assumes his
audience won't realise it.
  -- Roger Burton West
%
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
  -- Lord Acton
%
Work expands to fill the time available.
  -- C. Northrop Parkinson, "Parkinson's Law"
%
Never knock on Death's door.  Ring the bell and run! Death hates that.
  -- Ben Olmstead
%
What fun is life if you allow yourself to be limited by the possible?
  -- Scott Meyers
%
"Common sense" is that collection of prejudices amassed by age eighteen.
  -- Albert Einstein
Yes, Miles; or in your case, eight.
  -- George Rutter
%
Mathematicians are machines for turning coffee into theorems.
  -- Paul Erdos
%
I strive very eagerly to be lazy.
  -- Yukihiro "Matz" Matsumoto
%
Genius is 1% inspiration, 2% perspiration, and 99% arithmetic.
  -- Anon
%
Bernstein's Law: All experiments measure /something/.  For example,
Bernstein cites the time he tried to limbo dance after drinking a jigger
of Jamaican rum. He found he could do it when the bar was set to his
actual height.
%
The struggle for knowledge hath a pleasure in it like that of wrestling
with a fine woman.
  -- George Savil, Lord Halifax
%
It is better to be deprived of food for three days than of tea for one.
  -- Confucius
%
Even in a discipline like economics, it is only so long that people can
be prevented from working on really interesting problems.
  -- Eben Moglen
%
To be is to do.  -- Socrates
To do is to be.  -- Sartre
Do be do be do.  -- Sinatra
%
TELEPATH WANTED. You know where to apply.
  -- grafitto seen in Radcliffe Camera, Oxford.
%
Condense soup, not books!
%
Knowledge dispels fear.
  -- Motto of the RAF Parachute Training School
%
Any bloody idiot can be uncomfortable.
  -- Royal Marines survival training maxim
%
Actually Perl *can* be a Bondage & Discipline language, but it's unique
among such languages in that it lets you use safe words.
  -- Piers Cawley
%
Even if the monster moon were hauled out of orbit by pre-crisis Superman
and FLUNG at a sleeping Van Helsing, WITH BATMAN ON IT, Van Helsing
would still win.
  -- Tycho Brahe, Penny Arcade 19/01/2004
%
To stay young requires the unceasing cultivation of the ability to
unlearn old falsehoods.
  -- Lazarus Long
%
What if you were an idiot, and what if you were a member of Congress?
But I repeat myself.
  -- Mark Twain
%
Remember, it's only funny until someone loses an eye, and then it's
fuckin' hilarious!
  -- Eric the Black
%
It has been said that there are only six truly good things in the world.
Surely two of these are Rock and Roll.
  -- Robert Rankin
%
The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the
illusion of knowledge.
  -- Daniel J. Boorstin
%
Seeing from his violent demeanour that he was English, they gave him a
ticket for the furthest station on the way thither that the train
reached.
  -- Sister Agatha, in "Dracula"
%
The time-traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to
study the other great mystery of the universe: women!
  -- Dr. Emmett Brown
%
First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you.
Then you win.
  -- Gandhi
%
The mind is like a dog. His master points at the moon, but he barks at
the hand.
  -- Zen koan, attributions welcome.
%
Form is emptiness; emptiness also is form.
  -- Avalokiteshvara
%
It is, of course, Emacs, and therefore is extensible out the wazoo.
Also extensible down the fribble, up the weezpop, behind the yabbo,
before the mizzen and after the watershed.
  -- Daniel Barlow
%
(This message encoded in two-pass rot13 for extra security)
%
That emacs has such a high version number is surely a sign that there's
something fundamentally wrong with it to require so many major updates.
See also: Windows 2000.
  -- David Cantrell
%
Want a FREE assyrian.org.uk email address, with unlimited storage space,
POP3 support and webmail? Well, you can't have one.
%
My glass might be half empty, but I am on the way to the bar.
  -- Simon Wilcox
%
When the code and the comments disagree, both are probably wrong.
  -- Norm Schryer
%
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
  -- John Lennon
%
It's a known issue, with no known solution, except that I just thought
of one. Give me about half an hour.
  -- Ben Godfrey
%
It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he
had been dead for two years.
  -- Tom Lehrer
%
Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to
pause and reflect.
  -- Mark Twain
%
We're talking about quite a lot of training here. I think we should have
cybernetically-enhanced attack badgers.
  -- Steve Jolly
%
How about this: "In order to become better connected with audiences, the
BBC should cause all televisions to ooze superglue"
  -- Steve Jolly
%
Troutbreath?
  -- Spenser
%
Love makes you do the wacky.
  -- Willow
%
There are no fascists here, just people who are Right.
  -- Alias
%
When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only
how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is
not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
  -- Buckminster Fuller
%
DWIM - Do What I Meant. It describes Perl's sometimes uncanny ability to
do what you actually meant to do rather than what you thought you meant
to tell Perl to think that you meant to tell it to do. Or something like
that. -- Bernard El-Hagin in comp.lang.perl.misc
%
Me: Hooray, all my tests pass!  Tara: Quick, better write another.
%
Air guitar and singing would be somewhat of a faux pas in an ambulance
station.
  -- Peter Moore
%
It sounds like a move from a bad kung fu movie because it /can/.
Everything should be from a bad kung fu movie if possible. I'd pay good
money for my hands to make little /swit/ sounds when I moved them
quickly.. :)
  -- Mat Brown, on the HYPERFOCAL DISTANCE FOCUSING TECHNIQUE.
%
We Are The Right. Cower, WrongThinkers.
  -- Mat Brown
%
Alias: Just realised I have called everyone who owns a shiny modern SLR
a gorilla.
Mat: Meh. They won't notice, they're too busy with their multi-zoned
eye-tracking focusing systems. Ponces. We're much cooler than them.
%
Real Programmers use 'cat > a.out'.
  -- seen on the Internet
%
Nothing says "unprofessional job" like wrinkles in duct tape.
  -- seen on the Internet
%
A really good, readable textbook/manual is worth its weight in very,
very, very nice coffee.
  -- Tim Sweetman
%
I am sure that the average movie fan could learn in time to distinguish
between Ingrid Bergman and Harpo. I don't know whether I could, but I
certainly would like to try.
  -- Groucho Marx
%
Those who say they give the public what it wants begin by
underestimating public taste, and end by debauching it.
  -- Pilkington Report, 1960
%
I propose a new strategy, R2: let the Wookie win.
  -- C-3PO
%
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of
the leaders. This is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are
being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and
exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country.
  -- Hermann Goering
%
When someone builds a machine that can really enjoy tripping, AI will
truly be solved. I guess we could call that the Turing Acid Test.
  -- Joe Knapka, in comp.lang.functional
%
Several park keepers looked at her with suspicion and were only brought
to a favourable opinion of her sanity by noticing the pearl necklace
which she wore.
  -- Virginia Woolf, in "Orlando"
%
Doing linear scans over an associative array is like trying to club
someone to death with a loaded Uzi.
  -- Larry Wall
%
What is a free tub of Haagen-Dazs ice-cream but the messenger of Fate?
  -- Daniel Kitson
%
Money is a sign of poverty.
  -- Iain M. Banks
%
One person can change the world, but most of the time they shouldn't.
  -- Marge Simpson
%
Alcohol: the cause of half the world's problems. And the solution!
  -- Homer J. Simpson
%
Claire: At least George Bush /pretends/ to speak English.
Michael: At least Arnold Schwarzenegger /tries/.
%
All profoundly original art looks ugly at first.
  -- Clement Greenberg
%
One can certainly imagine the myriad of uses for a hand-held iguana maker.
  -- Hobbes
%
Let me be clear about this: I don't have a drug problem, I have a police
problem.
  -- Keith Richards
%
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
  -- Rudyard Kipling
%
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick
themselves up and hurry on as if nothing had happened.
  -- Winston Churchill
%
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never
tried before.
  -- Mae West
%
We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death
will tremble to take us.
  -- Charles Bukowski
%
The trouble with quotes about death is that 99.999 percent of them are
made by people who are still alive.
  -- Joshua Bruns
%
Nonsense! They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!
  -- Last words of Gen. John Sedgwick
%
there's a hell of a good universe next door; let's go.
  -- e e cummings
%
Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind.
  -- Terry Pratchett
%
The difference between stupid and intelligent people--and this is true
whether or not they are well-educated--is that intelligent people can
handle subtlety. They are not baffled by ambiguous or even contradictory
situations--in fact, they expect them and are apt to become suspicious
when things seem overly straightforward.
  -- Neal Stephenson
%
There is a huge standard deviation among 26 year olds. Some are fit only
for entry level jobs, but others are ready to rule the world if they can
find someone to handle the paperwork for them.
  -- Paul Graham
%
Come the revolution we're all going to be having a cup of tea and
looking the other way.
  -- Tom Harberd
%
Why do I suddenly have a mental image of Alex manically waving a
marshmellow-onna-stick whilst London burns?
  -- Paul Golds
%
Surprise is the essence of humor, and nothing is more surprising than
truth.
  -- Bill Watterson
%
If I die right now, does that mean I can have the rest of the day off?
  -- Mat Brown
%
I'm going to make friends with them.  I'm going to make friends with
them until they beg for mercy.
  -- Jack Frost, in Grant Morrison's "The Invisibles"
%
Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
  -- Henry Spencer
%
If you're scared to die you'd better not be scared to live.
  -- the Eels, "Friendly Ghost"
%
He understood only two things, samurai movies and the Macintosh, and he
understood them both far, far too well.
  -- Neal Stephenson, "Snow Crash"
%
I'd like to buy the world a Coke. Diet, obviously, because it's watching
its weight.
  -- Robert Colvile
%
Occam's Razor is the wrong tool. The correct tool is Goldberg's Rogaine,
which states that the most complex answer to any problem must be true.
  -- baconmonkey
%
Alka-Seltzer is at its most effective when dissolved in Irn-Bru.
  -- Kate Muir
%
Your feeble skills are no match for the Dark Side of the Force.
  -- Emperor Palpatine
%
Music is everybody's possession. It's only the publishers who think
people own it.
  -- John Lennon
%
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
  -- Oscar Wilde
%
R.H. Gould's Laws of Warfare:
1) Eat when you can.
2) Sleep when you can.
3) Never march on Moscow.
%
Scotch, straight up. Any single malt will do.
  -- Sean Connery
%
A guilty conscience is that part of a human being that is soluble in
absinthe.
  -- Maurice Zolotow
%
Programs that write programs are the happiest programs in the world.
  -- Andrew Hume
%
It is unworthy of excellent men to lose hours like slaves in the labour
of calculation.
  -- Leibniz
%
Ninja live by code of honour. Magical girl live by code of love.  This
lead to many disaster and much destruction of urban area.  Honour much
safer.
  -- Junpei
%
chown -R us ./base
%
You can't fatten a pig by weighing it.
  -- Derbyshire proverb
%
You will die, sir, either on the gallows or from the pox.
  -- John Montagu, fourth Earl of Sandwich
That depends, sir, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
  -- John Wilkes, rakish aristocrat and Montagu's sometime friend
%
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.
  -- St. Augustine
%
Le Chatelier's Principle: Complex systems tend to oppose their own
proper function.
%
There are few sources of energy so powerful as a procrastinating grad
student.
  -- Paul Graham
%
Someone told me that the can-can troupe weren't actually booked by
anybody: they just showed up, in costume, and said "can we go on next?"
I will believe that this is true, because it should be. I choose to live
in a world populated by roving bands of vigilante can-can girls.
  -- Jamie W. Zawinski
%
Sometimes it's best to do nothing, if it's the right sort of nothing.
  -- The Doctor
%
All concepts are Kan extensions.
  -- Saunders Mac Lane
%
There is no such thing as luck, only skillz.
  -- Great Teacher Largo
%
Fashion is something so stupid it has to be changed every fifteen
minutes; but style is something versatile, it's in the way you walk and
in the way you smile.
  -- Michael Franti
%
Like all the gaijin, I am now speaking fluent Japlish. Sugoi, neh?
  -- Francine Rump, on the expat experience
%
Will write code that writes code that writes code for food.
  -- Martin Rodgers 
%
BE ALOOF! (There has been a recent population explosion of lerts.)
  -- seen on Slashdot
%
What your third-grader's answer gives you is a simplified version for
children (and simple people). Fine, if you're happy with that. But when
you discuss these things here, you are talking of bow-wows and pussycats
and piggies and moo-cows, while we speak of synapomorphies and
anteriorly-positioned zygomatic maxillary processes.
  -- Oolon Colluphid, to a creationist on iidb.org
%
You've never seen Evangelion? What were you doing, going out in daylight
or something???? :)
  -- Matthew Saunders
%
Daddy warned me about men and bourbon. He never said a word about women
and cocaine.
  -- Tallulah Bankhead
%
Coldplay are the Warp 10 of shiteness.
  -- Ciorstaidh MacGlone
%
Make Coldplay history!
%
Base eight is just like base ten - if you're missing two fingers.
  -- Tom Lehrer
%
I think we should go with open minds and siege weapons. Then someone can
carefully and critically consider the wrong end of my ballista.
  -- Mat Brown
%
I have always maintained that [Miles] is about as Welsh as a bag of
jellied eels washed down with home-brewed Devon cider.
  -- Robert Colvile
%
For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public
relations, for nature cannot be fooled.
  -- Richard Feynman
%
[When the presence of duct tape on the spacecraft was confirmed] I felt
like we were home free. One thing a Southern boy will never say is 'I
don't think duct tape will fix it.' 
  -- Ed Smylie, Apollo 13 Mission Control engineer
%
Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks "how can I make this more sonic?"
  -- Capt. Jack Harkness
%
Problem 1: need cake/chocolate, have none.
Solution 1: make chocolate cakes.
Problem 2: cakes very hot upon leaving oven.
Solution 2: unknown. need kitchen entropy acceleration device.
  -- Mat Brown
%
The plural of "anecdote" is not "data".
  -- George Stigler
%
If you want to see your plays performed the way you wrote them,
become President.
  -- Vaclav Havel
%
Manolo says, the fashion, it is not the nuclear rocket brain surgery.
  -- Manolo the Shoeblogger
%
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
  -- Dylan Thomas
%
Someone's boring me. I think it's me.
  -- Dylan Thomas
%
I had eighteen straight whiskeys. I think this is a record.
  -- penultimate words of Dylan Thomas
%
Hmmm. Must remember to pack the larger of my two shrimping nets.
  -- Edmund, Lord Blackadder
%
One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.
  -- Chateaubriand
%
Well, the Romans were proto-fascist bastards but at least they made the
aqueducts run on time.
  -- Scanian Redneck
%
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Jeeves, another desperate
measure for Mr. Glossop.
  -- Bertram Wooster
%
There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.
  -- Bertrand Russell
%
As soon as you think "Nyah Nyah I'm more mature than you," it doesn't count.
  -- Lauren Susoeff
%
Complete the following sentence: People *ought* to weigh bricks, cats
and cinnamon in the same units because...
  -- Ian Johnston
%
It's annoying when you find that your research has been barking up the wrong
tree, but it's really disturbing when you wonder whether the tree even exists.
  -- Simon Cozens
%
Real computer scientists don't program in anything less portable than a
number 2 pencil.
  -- seen on the Internet
%
Calories 22, unforgiving minutes filled with distance run 0.
  -- Bridget Jones
%
Argue with idiots, and you become an idiot.
  -- Paul Graham
%
A woman may need a man like a fish needs a bicycle, but a woman needs a
bicycle a lot more than a fish needs a man.
  -- Helen Nightingale
%
When I argue with reality I lose, but only 100% of the time.
  -- Byron Katie
%
It can be shown that a mathematical web of some kind can be woven about
any universe containing several objects. The fact that our universe
lends itself to mathematical treatment is not a fact of any great
philosophical significance.
  -- Bertrand Russell
%
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place.
Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by
definition, not smart enough to debug it.
  -- Brian W. Kernighan
%
Grown-ups are wot is left when skool is finished.
  -- nigel molesworth
%
...the bourgeoisie were hated from both ends: by the proles, because
they had all the money, and by the intelligentsia, because of their
tendency to spend it on lawn ornaments.
  -- Neal Stephenson
%
Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
  -- Hobbes
%
TeX has found at least one bug in every Pascal compiler it's been run
on, I think, and at least two in every C compiler.
  -- Donald Knuth
%
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion,
butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance
accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give
orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem,
pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently,
die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
  -- Robert A. Heinlein
%
There's no sense being exact about something if you don't even know what
you're talking about.
  -- John von Neumann
%
PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs,
whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but
perverted professionals.
  -- Jon Ribbens
%
Few understand the threat of non-consensual trepanation.
  -- Jamie W. Zawinski
%
If I had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.
  -- Lord Henry Rawlinson
%
Besides, don't think aircraft carrier, think mecha. The type
system is a great amplifier of careful reasoning and propagator of
intent. If somebody starts muttering about bondage, just tell them
"those straps are there so the servos can follow *me*".
  -- skew, on #haskell
%
Any verbose and tedious solution is error-prone because programmers get bored.
  -- Bjarne Stroustrup
%
The perfect programming language is mathematics, but that only runs on
mathematicians.
  -- Cale, on #haskell
%
One thing you have to say for mechanized warfare, it saved a lot of
horses from horrible deaths.
  -- Gary Brecher
%
Programming is often mistaken for typing huge amounts of text in some
obscure language. Even though most real-life programming comes down to
this, in essence programming is the act of writing an algorithm. Be it
in Pascal, Miranda, some mathematical notation or plain English, it is
still programming.
  -- Jaap Suter
%
One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
  -- Wally, in Dilbert 18/10/2006
%
You are much better off with no numbers than meaningless ones.
  -- Michael S. Montalbano
%
The minute you believe numbers uncritically, that is, without
understanding how they're calculated and how well they measure whatever
they're supposed to measure, you will generate a breed of employee who
will produce numbers and not results.  Your data-processing system will
then serve not to describe reality but to lie about it.
  -- Michael S. Montalbano
%
Most cost accounting is applied metaphysics of an extremely ethereal kind.
  -- Michael S. Montalbano
%
A definition of major trauma is '...when the patient arrives at hospital
in more than one ambulance'
  -- Emergency Care: A Textbook for Paramedics
%
This could be the start of something medium-sized.
  -- Nikolas Lloyd
%
Life is like finding a tenner on the ground; you can't give it back to
anyone, and hey, it's yours now, so you may as well spend it on
something nice.
  -- Laurie Penny
%
I was hoping that the London Mathematical Society could fund it,
in conjunction with Miramax.
  -- Richard Vale
%
Leaf blowers and patio heaters are Nero and Stiletto to the SUV's Baron
Greenback.
  -- Ben Godfrey
%
Fortunately, in a language like Lisp you don't have to live with all
the decisions of the designers.
  -- Paul Graham
%
I believe contradictory things.  I believe that C is wonderful and
I believe C is awful.  And that awk is neither.
  -- Larry Wall
%
We've spent 32 years "exploring space" in low Earth orbit. Exploring
nothing.  To stay in orbit you have to go 17,000 mph, or Mach 25. So
we've spent three decades going nowhere fast.
  -- James Cameron
%
The Real Programmer might compromise his principles and work on
something slightly more trivial than the destruction of life as we know
it. Providing there's enough money in it.
  -- Ed Post
%
The world seemed cruel and boring, and I'm not sure which was worse.
  -- Paul Graham
%
A situation like this needs to be handled carefully, so I looked to my
role models for guidance. What would Spider-Man do? Make a joke, then
punch someone. Entertaining, but probably not helpful in this case. Hmm,
how about Benton Fraser (the Mountie from Due South)? He'd be extremely
polite, and solve the problem that way; ah, that sounds more promising.
  -- John Kirk
%  
A situation like this needs to be handled carefully, so I looked to my
role models for guidance. What would Spider-Man do? Make a joke, then
punch someone. Entertaining, but probably not helpful in this case. 
  -- John Kirk
%
You've all heard the saying: If all you have is a hammer, everything
starts to look like a nail. That's actually a Modernistic saying. The
postmodern version is: If all you have is duct tape, everything starts
to look like a duct. Right. When's the last time you used duct tape on a
duct?
  -- Larry Wall
%
The problem with both of them [RSS and Atom] is that they're not so much
protocols as manifestos for new societal norms, just like XML is.
  -- Chris Lightfoot
%
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean, if Pac-Man affected us as
kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and
listening to repetitive music.
  -- Marcus Brigstocke
%
It just seems to me that you are wilfully entering an arse-kicking
contest with a monstrous entity that has sixteen legs and no arse....
  -- seen on the Internet
%
Oh, that's probably the stuff involving the [REDACTED] where the
[REDACTED] has to be [REDACTED] in order for the [REDACTED] to
[REDACTED] the [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED].

I've said too much, of course.
  -- Richard Morgan
%
My centre is giving way, my right is in retreat; situation excellent. I
shall attack.
  -- General Foch
%
That is the trouble with plans: the enemy do not as a rule cooperate
with the assumptions on which they are laid.
  -- General Sir Rupert Smith
%
Seriously, I don't care how hard the single-player campaign of Command
and Conquer: Red Alert was, communism more or less destroyed itself from
within. Fascism would have gone orbital and constructed a Death Star.
Then made 3 even more terrible sequels, just because they could. That's
how evil they are.
  -- seen on the Internet
%
A less powerful language forces me to do things the way the language
wants me to do it. For every transformation of my solution that I need
to do before getting it in code the more likely it is that I'll make a
serious mistake. A powerful language meets me rather than forces me to
meet it.
  -- KayEss, on Reddit
%
At least no bug of mine has ever forced anyone to retranquilize a large
carnivore.
  -- seen on the Internet
%
But talking about time travel, particuarly in the future,
half-past-imperfect, stepping-sideways-through-time tense will never 
having to had been a simple matter for us to hoov comprehended.
  -- Andy Wardley
%
So you've got to know that *synergy* doesn't actually mean *synergy* in
this book. I can't do normal *synergy*. No, in this book, *synergy* means
*cartoon foxes*. What I'm saying is: this book will be starting off with an
exorbitant amount of *cartoon foxes*.
And I will be counting on you to turn them into *synergy*.
  -- Why the lucky stiff
%
Hip flasks are the way forward baby, and now you can get them in pink!
  -- Toni Custance-Baker
%
The progression of a Lisp programmer: The newbie realizes that the
difference between code and data is trivial. The expert realizes that
all code is data. And the true master realizes that all data is code.
  -- Sriram Krishnan
%
In the modern era, we have come to favor simplicity over complexity,
perfection over imperfection, symmetry over asymmetry, planning over
piecemeal growth, and design awards over habitability.
  -- Richard Gabriel
%
Oh god, you're patient zero aren't you? Let the feline-avian viral
apocalypse commence! And just in time for the weekend, too.
  -- Richard Morgan
%
If you ever think you've had an original thought, just put it in
quotation marks and type it into Google. Now that's a humbling
experience.
  -- Daniel Kitson
%
No plan survives first contact with the enemy.
  -- Military maxim
%
Time spent in reconnaissance is never wasted.
  -- Military maxim
%
Note that those are the bitwise OR (|) and AND (&) operators, not the
more commonly used logical OR (||) and AND ( && ) operators. Getting the
two mixed up can lead to hours of interesting debugging.
  -- Maciej Ceglowski
%
Most people use passwords. Some people use passphrases. Bruce Schneier
uses an epic passpoem, detailing the life and works of seven mythical
Norse heroes. 
  -- seen on Bruce Schneier Facts, http://geekz.co.uk/schneierfacts/
%
Wise indeed to note that tomorrow indeed isn't yesterday. Wiser is
reading yesterday's notes again anyway.
  -- seen on the Internet
%
Only those who have never met the full range of people in their
community will ever claim that the public are stupid: in most
doctors' experience, people are almost universally sharp witted.
Where they are misled, someone has worked hard at the job.
  -- Ben Goldacre
%
The Daily Mail, in particular, has an ongoing project to divide all the
inanimate objects in the world into the ones that either cause, or cure,
cancer.
  -- Ben Goldacre
%
Lispers are among the best grads of the Sweep-It-Under-Someone-Else's-Carpet
School of Simulated Simplicity.
  -- Larry Wall
%
I like primatology. Not to actually do, of course. I want someone else
to go and sit in the savannah all day long for twenty years, then tell
me what happened.
  -- Mark Rosenfelder
%
I just said "idiom of yielding exceptions" in a comment in my code and
meant it. I quite like that. It makes my code sound deep and somehow
Confucian.
  -- Ben Godfrey
%
roses are red
violets are blue
all of my base
are belong to you.
  -- apeloverage, b3ta
%
War is young men killing other young men they do not know on the orders
of old men who know one another too well.
  -- Erwin Kowalke
%
I'd just like to see thinking come back in style.
  -- Timothy Leary
%
Of course, the other option could be that it's a secret Nazi conspiracy,
but I think in the war between conspiracy and incompetence, incompetence
wins.
  -- tuxmelvin, Reddit
%
To call a general differential equation 'nonlinear' is rather like
calling zoology 'nonpachydermology'.
  -- Ian Stewart
%
Personally I think that humans and their relationships are extremely
complicated, and models based on classical mechanics are likely to be
poor analogies to their behaviour. :-)
  -- Steve Jolly
%
Is it a punk song? Well, it's got three chords.
  -- Lenny Kaye
%
It kinda freaks me out that we're colonies all the way down: not just in
our intestines, but deep inside cells. How many distinct genomes do you
have to sequence before you can bootstrap a working human from the
source code? Not only are you not a beautiful and unique snowflake,
you're just an emergent moiré pattern that happens when a billin
snowflakes rub together: a trick of the light that doesn't really exist
at all. Have a nice day!
  -- Jamie W. Zawinski
%
Programming is to computer science what field training is to police work
and clinical experience is to surgery. Reading a book is not enough.
  -- George Ledin
%
I love ladies. They're my religion.
  -- Brian Blessed
%
Always code as if the person who will maintain your code is a maniac
serial killer that knows where you live.
  -- Seen on the Internet
%
Math is much too hard. We should fix that somehow.
  -- Micah McCurdy
%
PHP has a very low barrier to entry; consequently, a lot of
eye-wateringly bad programmers are writing code in it; hence, a lot of
code written in PHP is awful. This is arguably a good thing.
  -- Aristotle Pagaltzis
%
No political challenge can be met by shopping.
  -- George Monbiot
%
When a thing defies physical law, there's usually politics involved.
  -- PJ O'Rourke
%
True observation begins when one is devoid of set patterns.
  -- Bruce Lee